I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
