If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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