I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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