I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
