I cockslap morals
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
