she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
