accomplished twins. life is a go
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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