i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
