I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
