PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
