The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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