I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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