Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
