I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
