i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize