Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
