we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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