that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
