Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
