it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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