The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
