I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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