Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
