I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
