meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
