I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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