4 words: hood of his car
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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