Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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