My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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