K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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