I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
