Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
