my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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