im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
