Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
