Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
