I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
