Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
