Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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