I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
