She's JV to your varsity
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
