i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
