Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
