"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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