They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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