so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
