no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
