I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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