Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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