We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
