It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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