an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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