Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize