i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
