No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
