I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
