I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
