Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
