Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
