He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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