It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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