while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
