I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
