So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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