took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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