I'm passing your future prison.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize